Incoherent musings of a troubled young man.

Well, it has been a while. So much to cover. Ummm.. Ok, so I have not yet graduated. Kind of sick of hearing that everyone I graduated high school with has. But I have 1 more semester. Dropped some classes here and there. Better than failing, eh? I've been with an amazing girl for 4 months as of today. As with every relationship, there are issues, but I am just about as happy as I can ever remember being. I'm still working at radioshack. A little past the 2 year mark now. My sister, who is in the peace corps, is going to be home for 3 weeks as of may 26. I am going to see my best friend say his i do's again for a real ceremony on the 29th. Get to meet his kid, too. Not in the official sense, but I was informed when the kid was born that I am his godfather. All that, and it is 1:30 in the morning and I have to be up to get ready for work in 5 hours. I kind of enjoy writing like this, so I might do it regularly now. Not to ask for attention, but if I get some comments from some old friends, I might write a little more often. Maybe I'll put up some more recent pictures tomorrow....

Oh, snap! I have been a loyal XM radio subscriber for years. Today is the day of reckoning. The channel lineup has been changed due to the merger of Sirius and XM. I am SOFA KING stoked! At work, we have sirius and there are a few channels I always wished were on XM. They are now!! Alt Nation, Octane, and Lithium are now available for XM. The only drawback is that they replaced Squizz, Ethel, and Lucy.... Hopefully the sirius channels will measure up to what they are replacing.

Well, in the never ending parade of work, school, and repeat that is my life, there is a small glimmer of hope today. This week *was* going to be a living hell for me. A programming assignment due every day until I got out of school until thursday as well as having to make up some lectures I missed for Sigle. In the past hour, I have gotten emails from 2 or my CS professors telling us that we have been given an extra week to work. That leaves just the lecture makeup and assembly language project for Sigle. I just took a breath and for the first time in a long time, I felt that 'i just inhaled so deeply i feel it in my toes' feeling that is so great. I just wanted to share a positive experience for once. ;-) Back to campus to deal with Sigle's stuff.

So, just as the title infers, there is something I will absolutely, under no circumstances tolerate. Now, in jest, it is fine. But if you tell me that I am a liar, you have just told me that you wish to never have any contact with me ever again. The one thing that I take pride in myself for is my integrity. Now, I am not always a 'good' person who makes the 'right' decisions, but god damn it, I own up to what I do.


I bring this up because I am single again. The break-up was fine, I gave my reasons, she understood. I was feeling down with life in general and took a day off work and spent the day with a female friend that I have known for a couple years now. Of course, I had fun so I mentioned my day in some bulletin surveys on myspace. The next day I wake up and the ex has sent me a message on myspace calling me a 'fucking liar' and that I left her for my friend.


Again, I will not be called a liar. No. I have no use for liars. I also have no use for people that call me a liar without cause. I felt bad for ending the relationship at first, but now feel that it will end up being a good opportunity to take stock of who I am and where I am as well as where I want to go. So thank you for flipping that psycho switch of yours and showing me that I need to change my direction in life.


And just to assure everyone, I will start posting again as I have time. Despite the above post, I am in a pretty good place personally right now. So until we meet again, peace out.

On this day 21 years ago, little Davey was born. w00t. Oh, and went on date #2 last night. Another stunning success. I am quite happy with that, and in general today.

So, tonight for the first time in well over 6 months, David is going on a date. Quite excited about it; the girl is great. She is much awesomeness. Been talking for a good while and we get along great. Just hope the same holds true for dating situations.

    In other David news, this is my first post in months. Sorry about that, yo. It's not like people read this, but still... As of yesterday at close of business, I love my job. A coworker that I hate is transferring and that was my last shift with him. What else? Um, I've lost 10 pounds in the past month or so. Thats good stuff. Well, I don't have just a whole lot of time to write at the moment, but I will try to update more regularly. Peace out.



**EDITED TO ADD:

After-action Report

   So the date was, in my opinion, a smashing success. We got along great, she laughed at me (hey, I view being laughed at as being a good thing), and we had some good conversation. More importantly, she made sure to make it clear that a 2nd date was expected of me. w00t! Right now, I feel better than I have in a very long time. I'm in a pretty damned jolly mood. Peace out.

So I've been having some toothaches the past few days. So I go into the dentist today with a full set of teeth and leave with a full set of teeth - 1. My choices were 1) Root canal + crown totaling to about $2,000. 2) Extraction totaling to $150. I chose the later because for the root canal, everything had to be paid up front. No way I can afford that and I lack dental insurance. So I had the tooth extracted. That means he RIPPED IT THE HELL OUT OF MY SKULL! It hurts a little. But, oh well. In a few days, I will be rotten tooth and pain free. w00t.

So much for updating more often, eh? :-P Well, life is good. I am kinda tired from work and school and such, but I am relatively content. Eating healthier, getting more exercise, all that jazz. Thinking of going on a short road trip over spring break. Nothing big, just spend a day or two in Dallas because Dallas kicks ass. I'm also doing great on my whole limit the cursing thing... Baby steps....
What else.. Ah! My bro from high school had a child. That would make me the godfather. Really creepy to think about.
I really can't think of much to write today, but all is well. Maybe I'll close with some awesome riddles...
What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids don't eat broccoli.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!

How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
open the door, put him in.

How do you put an elephant in the 'fridge?
Open the door, take out the giraffe, and put him in.

The king of the jungle, the lion, has a meeting with all the animals. Who doesn't go?
The elephant, you just put him in the fridge.

You need to swim across a river infested with crocodiles. How do you do it?
Jump in and swim across; the crocodiles are at the meeting.




*****EDITED TO ADD*****
Damn I love this song.....

Well, I have designated today as a turning point in my young adult life. While my progress so far may seem insignificant, it is a big step for me. So far, I have gone after my beloved facial hair with a razor. There is still some, but for the first time in over 3 years, I have no hair on my upper lip. Again, that is a big deal for me. Also, as of today, I will cease to be the unfit, unhealthy blob that I have been all my life. As soon as I get off work tonight, I will be taking a multi-mile walk/run to start things off. After that, I will stop consuming the crap that I currently eat. I will be healthy. I'm also going to try to stop cursing. I doubt I will be able to stop all together, but I am going to make an effort to speak like an intelligent human being. Maybe over time, I can redefine my vocabulary and exclude a few words.
And why am I doing this, you ask? I don't really know. All I know is that I have felt really good the past few days and actually have some motivation to change a few things about myself. But if you do *need* an answer, I guess I'll just have to say that driving a mustang for a day made me a better, happier man. Adios.
Oh, I'm also going to try to update this a bit more often. So far, I feel good and would like everyone else to know of my happiness. ;-)

Well, I started writing this blog as my annual valentines day rant, but then I saw that yet another college campus has been shot up. That will be addressed later.

So today is yet another valentines day. A "holiday" that I absolutely refuse to recognize as anything more than a cash-cow created and maintained by big business. Because hey, Valentines day *is* big business. Case in point: my mother's 2nd grade class had a valentines day party today and some of the parents fell through with what they were bringing so I went to wal-mart to pick up some cookies. I didn't see a single person in the place that was not buying something relating to Valentines day. As previously stated, I never have, do not, and never will acknowledge Valentines day. For corporate American to have the nerve to tell me when and how to express how I feel about someone just pushes me almost to the edge of insanity. I do not need to purchase some cute, pink, piece of garbage for a loved one for them to know how I feel. My actions on every other day of the year should do that. I will not be forced to buy gifts just because I am socially obligated to; I will buy gifts whenever I feel like it. That can be quite often and I feel no guilt for disregarding Valentines day as a gift-giving occasion. That is all I have to say about that.

Now, on to what is really bothering me right now. A gunman at Northern Illinois University has shot over 20 people and, up to this point, 4 (not including himself) have died. What is this? The 2nd college shooting in as many weeks? How many does that make this year? It is time for this to stop, and stop now. Now I will go a totally differnt direction than you would expect from something sounding like this. What would have happened if only one student in that lecture hall had been legally carrying a concealed handgun? What if this student was properly trained to use this weapon when his/her life, as well as the lives of those around him/her, was threatened with a violent end? I can tell you that the gunman probably wouldn't have died of a single self-inflicted gunshop wound and chances are he would not have gotten off the 30+ rounds required for him to hit so many easy targets sitting in that lecture hall. What we would have would be probably half the dead and wounded, and a gunman with 5 or 6 gunshot wounds. Why is it that college campuses, churches (in louisiana), parades, primary schools, and the like have to be gun free zones? Or, as I and many others call them, unarmed victim zones? What good do those signs do? Well, they keep the legally armed citizen from carrying. What about the criminal? The one that is already breaking or planning to break the laws on the books about assult, battery, rape, murder, theft, etc? Who is daft enough to believe that a sign saying "Gun Free Zone" is going to stop anyone but the law-abiding from carrying a gun? I am not trying to change any minds here; just expressing my opinions. If anyone feels differently, I would love to have a reasonable conversation with you about it. But I am so frustrated by this right now. How many more have to die before people see that guns are not the issue; the issue is the people that use them for illegal purposes.

I think I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown/ anxiety attack. Is that a bad thing? It is? Well shit. I am starting to doubt every decision I have ever made. Maybe I should have joined the Marine Corps. Maybe I shouldn't have left Hammond. That is a pretty big one. It seems like everything since has been one train wreck after another. But I had to leave. Didn't I? Only two or three people know why I really left, and I am for damn sure not going to tell anyone else. But I think I had to leave. But maybe I could have dealt with the thing making me so unhappy and I could have moved on with life. Was it immature of me to leave everything just to get away and not have to deal with it? Well, that wasn't the only reason. But it was the one that made shreveport look pretty good. Shit, I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maybe I should just go back to being a hermit. I am pretty good at that. I'm just gonna get some sleep and see if I can't look at this from a different angle tomorrow.

Well, it has only been a month since my last post. Better than last time, I suppose. Lets see, whats new. School starts tomorrow, I'm still working a fair amount of hours. My dad is showing some small signs of improvement. I, on the other hand, am still a bit of a mess. I just can't seem to get back into the swing the whole happiness thing. There is not a lot of enjoyment in most of what I do. I just do it because it has to be done. For example, I don't watch tv to enjoy it, I watch tv to pass the time until I can go to sleep so I can wake up the next morning. I think that will probably go away later this semester when dad is better. It just seems that I have slipped into survival mode here; no enjoyment, just get through. Whatever. I'm gonna go walk a few miles in the cold to wake up a little.

*Warning* I am pissed, there is no guarantee that I will make any effort to keep my language clean in the follow post.



I officially HATE doctors. I mean really. They need to be very careful about the terms they use and what information they let the family members of patients see. For instance, if a man is so dehydrated that his kidney function is a good bit below where it should be, just say he is extremely dehydrated to the point of decreased kidney function. Do NOT hand my mother my father's chart to take to a nurse with the phrase "Acute renal failure" in big, bold letters on the front where there is no way she will not see it. You know what that phrase brings to mind? The thought that my father IS GOING TO DIE! I'm sorry, acute renal failure does not say to me "oh, he needs some fluids and then he'll be fine." Good lord. I am not an outwardly emotional person, but when my mother said those words to me, I almost lost my composure. I understand them saying that as a clinical term, but christ.... My MOTHER was handed the chart and given NO explanation until later.

Well, good news is that after scaring the hell out of my mother, they got dad hooked up to an I.V. and got a few liters of fluid in him. He seems to feel pretty good today and they got him back on some meds to keep the nausea in check so he can keep a bit more food down.

I just need to get some rest. I'm stressed and angry. I'll try and scrape together a slightly more happy post in the next few days.

Well, it has been 2 months since my last post. So to recap: my dad has cancer, school and work are driving me mad.

Well, dad is doing ok, I guess. He is right at half-way through his 5 times a week for 7 weeks of radiation therapy. He has also completed 2 of 3 chemo treatments. Things are starting to get pretty rough. He is starting to show some pretty harsh side effects from the radiation and the worst is without a doubt still to come. But in the end, he should come out of it cancer free. As for school, I have 3 finals left. Only one of those will be difficult. The holiday shopping season is in full swing so I am working quite a few hours. I suddenly don't feel like typing anymore. Maybe later. Bye.

Well, I haven't felt like posting on this thing recently. My head has been all over the place. My dad had to have surgery about a week ago. His doctor thought his tonsils looked bad so they took them out. Turns out they looked bad because they were cancerous. Whole family has been a little on edge to say the least. We are waiting to hear from an oncologist so we know how bad it is and what to expect. All that crap has made working tons of hours and still putting up with school very stressful. Got so bad today that I just got in my car and drove around town for an hour or two just listening to pearl jam. Gah, I don't really feel like typing any more about this. Maybe later.

   Well, I just had a very strange day. Up until about 5:00, work was very average. Kinda slow, but nothing odd. And then this lady comes in and asks for me specifically. She then proceeds to tell me how sorry she is for writing a complain on me to the home office in Fort Worth. I was obviously a little stunned because that was the first I had heard about it. Apparently, she bought something from the store and had a problem with it. I always tell my customers to call me at the store if they need anything. Well, she called when I wasn't there and my genius coworkers forgot to give me the message so I could return her call. She got angry about it and tried to return the product but she had lost the receipt. So of course, I wasn't there when she tried to return it. Note that I said "tried". Whoever was working wouldn't give her a refund without the receipt. So at that point, she was so frustrated that she wrote a letter to corporate saying how bad I was. She said she talked to my district manager who calmed her down enough that she felt really bad about the letter and wrote another one apologizing to corporate for what she said about me. So that was interesting. A little later, my coworker was in a horrible mood so I thought it would be a great idea to shoot him in the back of the head with a rubber band. Bad idea. Almost got into a fist fight. He got in my face and told me that that one was free and it might be bad if I did it again. Of course I did the *cough* smart thing and stood my ground and just looked him in the eye. Remind to never do that smart thing again over something so trivial... I should have just apologized right there. So yeah, that made the rest of the day really awkward. We more or less apologized to each other when we closed the store. So yeah, that was my interesting day.

   So I finally got to the eye doctor last thursday. Was fully expecting to order both glasses be told my eyes were too bad for contact lenses. Well, I ordered my glasses and went home with contacts in my eyes. Been wearing them for more time every day since then and I like it. Of course, the prescription isn't dead-on, but it is close enough that I can see without glasses. When I got the suckers in my eyes at the doctor's office, I just started grinning like an idiot because it had in fact been over a decade since I could see at all without glasses. Just got a call from the doctor today to tell me my glasses were in and that I could come in thursday for a check-up on the contacts and to pick up the glasses. If all is well with the contacts, we are going to double check the prescription and order me a few month's supply of contacts. Rock on. Maybe later I will put up a picture of me sans glasses. Few people have seen me that way...

   Well, school starts Monday. Not looking forward to it. I have really enjoyed being able to work a good bit and make some money. I think I will max out at about 15 hours a week at work now. I hope I can continue holding on to a fair portion of my paychecks. I need money now for I have fallen in love with a mossberg 12 gauge shotgun and feel I may shrivel up and die if I do not purchase it. I also really want to put away some money so I can travel. Aside from my day trips to Dallas that I love so much, I really want to hit up some places I have never been before. The list, in order, consists of Cincinnati, Nashville, Atlanta, Memphis, and maybe Little Rock.

   Ack, it got late fast. I am going to go crash. Later playas!

Well, my wonderful day off ended up being very, very bad. I spent most of the day online talking to someone very special. That was excellent. After she got offline, I decided to lie down and listen to music. Forgot to take off my glasses and fell asleep. Rolled over and snapped my already battered glasses right in half. I was able to superglue them back together this time, but next time they break, it is for good. Even if I get a new pair and/or contacts ordered tomorrow, it will take over a week for them to get here. But in all likelihood, I won't be able to see an eye doctor until late in the week unless they amazingly have an empty time slot to see me. Basically, I now have a pair of ultra-fragile glasses that I can't live without. Oh the joys of being legally blind.

I am, without a doubt, not looking forward to tomorrow. Some friends of the family are coming to town, which isn't a bad thing. The bad thing is that I have to make sure my half of the house is clean by tomorrow afternoon. Not a big deal, except that I have to go into work early tomorrow. So, the only time I have to clean is either tonight or early tomorrow morning. I am exhausted tonight so that leaves getting up early to clean. The real unpleasantness tomorrow will be at work when we have a store visit and get torn into by the district manager. I just want this weekend to be here...

   I am exhausted, both mentally and physically. Only problem is, tonight my body decided it was a good idea to pull the insomnia card on me. Since I am so tired, I was going to actually go to bed early, get up earlier than I typically do so I could have a nice, full day tomorrow. But no. Here I sit. Wide awake, but still dead tired. Been staring at an arby's cup on my desk for the past few minutes. On the cup, the words "Happiness is just a curly fry away" are written. Now I'm hungry. Will have to remember to have arby's for lunch tomorrow. I also need to buy a new hat sometime in the not too distant future. My JT paintball hat has been great and I still love it, but the embroidery is beginning to unravel. Finally bought a new pocket knife a few days ago. Beat the other one up using it at work as a box cutter. Stuck with a Gerber knife. However, I changed from a lockback knife to a frame lock. I like it a lot. I can't think of any more random crap to write. I'm gonna go see if I can fall asleep now. Might add to this later if I still can't sleep.